Artmis Huntley claims democracy is dying a rapid death. In his new book the author and professor of anthropology at Case Western University claims ‘democracy is a tattered, disease ridden whore incapable of satisfying the needs and desires of the basest troglodyte’.
“The need for democracy is rapidly declining in the Western hemisphere. Who needs to choose political representation when you can go to Best Buy and purchase an I-phone? The need for democratic process is dying away. As long as shiny new goods and services are available in abundance, why should I care who inhabits the White House? I want to know if my new Dodge has a hemi, not who voted on a farm aid bill. Really, who cares?” The author said with a light-hearted laugh. “Do you think George Washington would have fought the British if they had brought over a new shipment of Mac powerbooks and I-pods from merry old England? By all means no; he would’ve spent the winter at Valley Forge downloading hot new movies and kickin’ R&B. Who wants to fight for freedom when you can download tunes and videos in high-def?”
Huntley’s new book makes several claims as to why democracy is failing.
“Currently we have a president in the Oval Office that has failed to capture Osama Bin Laden, started a failing, expensive war under false pretenses, engaged in torture and illegal wire tapping, suspended habeas corpus, vetoed a bill to give health care to poor children, and adulterated and politicized the Justice department. Ha! Nobody cares! We might as well have a autocratic monarchy because no one really cares what the current government does. Why don’t we care? Because we can buy whatever we want! The American dream is still being fulfilled, and that dream involves purchasing as many bright, shiny objects as humanly possible. Bravo, brave new world! Democracy was, and is, a great starter program to put the financial infrastructure in place to allow Americans to borrow money to buy new things. Democracy doesn’t make Americans happy; a new, fire-engine red BMW SUV with all wheel drive makes them happy. Take that democracy!”
While Huntley’s opinion may seem unorthodox, he has raised considerable support from many Americans.
“It just takes too much time to keep up on all the stuff they talk about. Blah, blah, blah!” Said Dave Sayes, “I’d have to sit down and read things. Like books and paper stuff. Ugh! It makes my eyes and head hurt. I’d rather watch 24 and football games and reruns of Dirty Dancing. That shit rocks!”
“All politicians are corrupt so who cares who we have in office?” Said Dede Smith, “All they do is lie and cheat and steal. I can watch that on ‘Desperate Houswives’ on my new plasma screen TV and enjoy the drama! Real life and politics kind of suck. They should take politicians, put them all in house together for three months and call it ‘Real politician world’. I’d watch that, especially if Hillary is hooking up with someone. Ooooh that would be sooooo hot!”
While public opinion varies on the topic, several ‘intellectuals’ have also weighed in on the matter.
“This is absurd. Democratic government is the basis for the freedoms Americans have come to love. It is the foundation of the Bill of Rights and the Constitution. Americans have forgotten what it means to be governed by individuals that suppress individual liberties. I cannot believe the apathy that exists in our society today. Every good citizen should be engaged in their government-both at a local and a national level.” Said Bill Quirk, a professor of history at Yale. “That being said, would you like to see my new PDA/sat phone? It’s 60gig with Bluetooth and planetary Wifi, friggin awsome!”
Huntley has countered this argument with a series of psychological experiments designed to prove his point.
“We took 10 healthy male volunteers aged 17 to 20 put them in bare-walled prison with a flea infested, itchy wool blanket and a coffee can to relieve themselves in. We then rolled in an 84 inch Sony plasma TV connected to a brand new play station 3 with an enhanced version of Halo 3. We let them play for exactly 1 hour in that squalid hell hole and then we unlocked the door to the prison. Essentially, we offered them freedom. How many left behind the video game and left the prison to enjoy their freedom? None. Zero. We served them gruel for 3 meals a day and all the Halo they wanted. None of them left. We let them play for days until they collapsed from malnourishment and dehydration. They played so much they began hallucinating. They actually believed the game was going on in their head. After several months they forgot about the TV entirely as they crawled around the room moving their index fingers spasmodically and babbling about the itchiness of their blankets. They would forgo the sweet blessings of freedom to remain captive to the electronic toy they loved. Ha! It was like lab monkeys with cocaine. It was sheer brilliance and it captures my point rather succinctly-who needs personal freedom when you’ve got Halo 3?
Some Americans remain appalled by the book and the statements it attempts to make.
“I’m an American and I love freedom. I hate France. I love NASCAR and football and apple pie.” Said Denny ‘Texas’ Red, “Don’t try and tell me what the hell is gonna replace my love for the Stars and Stripes. Nothin’ is gonna take away my democratic life cause if they try I’ll damn sure blow a hole in their head with my 30.06. That 180 grain bullet’ll pop year head open like a pumpkin. Matera-whatever-it-is better watch out. I’m going to Wal-mart to buy some new TV trays and WWF Smackdown DVD. The Undertaker fuckin’ rules!”
Tags: book reviews, democracy, materialism
